A.P #2 BECOMING WHO I WANT TO BE.
Decide the type of person you want to be.
Prove it to yourself with small wins. - Atomic Habits (By James Clear)
It was this highlight text in one of my favourite books that brought me to kick-start this journey. I have taken the time to reflect on my current life situation, and while it’s not all bad, it's not all good either.
Now, a word of warning: this series is not about ‘weight loss’ or anything else related to a scale or the size printed on a clothing tag. My weight is not a motivator for this journey and is quite possibly the least interesting thing about me. However, as I discuss the positive changes, I may end up touching on some triggering topics/themes—weight loss, addiction, disordered thought patterns, and mental health battles. I’ll leave a disclaimer at the top of each post, and if you need to sit out a blog or two, I encourage you to do so. This is a space where I want everyone to be safe, and your well-being is of the utmost importance to me.
My main goal for this year was to run a half-marathon. But you see, the version of me who created that plan was in a completely different place and had little to worry about. Six months into the year, I have made little to no progress on that goal. But it begins now—right here with The Accountability Project.
So, who do I want to become? I’ll break it down into some key points:
For starters, health and wellbeing—I want to be able to keep up with my friends, my siblings, and one day in the distant future, my own children. I want to live a long and happy life where I can indulge in most, if not all, life has to offer. This means being someone who embraces sunsets and sunrises. I want to have healthy coping mechanisms such as exercise, journaling, and seeking support when necessary. I don’t want to feel ashamed of my existence because I don’t look or behave ‘a certain way’. I want to exude confidence, security, and stability in my life.
Then there's financial health, which ties in with stability and security. Working in finance has opened my eyes to how easy it is to fall into debt and what impact that has on one's life. I want to be frugal with my finances, whilst also having the funds to travel and explore the world before I become too tied down with the responsibilities of being a fully-fledged adult.
And with that comes my career. I want to be determined, hardworking, embrace change, and take responsibility for my goals and aspirations. The big picture is to use my media degree to create content that brings me—and hopefully others—inspiration, motivation, and a way to express myself creatively.
And to get there, I have to ask myself this: Who is the type of person who can get this outcome?
I believe this person to be consistent and reliable—someone who takes accountability for their actions and lives their life intentionally. So, what do I have to do to become this person?
Well, I’ve brainstormed a couple of ideas that I hope to implement over the next few months:
Someone who can keep up with their loved ones is someone who makes time for them, whether it's a call, text, or in-person visit. Someone who can live a long and happy life is a decision-maker; they choose what is best for them to lead to a fulfilling life in the moment. Whether that means deciding to stay in bed or go for a brisk walk, order a large or a small.
Someone who can enjoy the simple things in life must be someone who does not live beyond their means and remains grateful for what they have. Someone who has confidence, who feels secure and stable, fosters it through the relationships they build and the actions they take. They do not allow the choices and voices of others to dictate how they view themselves or their life. They do not create chaos; they simply live life as it comes, in its ups and downs.
Someone who is financially healthy makes smart money choices. They do not overspend, buy unnecessary items, or live beyond their means. They save, budget, plan, and take everything into careful consideration.
Someone who has the career they want, networks, and is not afraid to put themselves out there. They are not scared of failure—they embrace it as a challenge or something to overcome to grow. They are consistent and work hard to get where they want. Most importantly, they use time and effort wisely and never put their name on something they are not proud of. (This is a lesson I learned from one of my lecturers at uni who has been very successful in their career.)
So, to become this someone, I have to first pretend I am them.
We all have the power to change our beliefs and ourselves. The most challenging step is figuring out who you want to be and believe in. Every second of every day, we make small choices, and these choices impact our future, no matter how insignificant they may feel at the time.
For example, one inhale of a cigarette will not kill you. One cigarette—or even one deck—won’t kill you either. But it is the decision to keep dragging, to keep smoking—that does. This example is a good one because even if you don’t care about the health impacts, you might care about your finances. Each time you purchase a new deck that costs $12–$60, that amount could have gone towards travel, a night out with friends, or savings. Or, if you are financially secure, I’ll say this: you’ll smell like shit and your skin will age quicker. Again—not immediately, but eventually. The smallest, seemingly insignificant action of taking a drag can leave you dying, broke, and smelly.
Now, this is not a take coming from a place of judgment. It’s coming from experience.
As mentioned in my introduction post, I have dealt with addictions. The longest one is a nicotine habit—an addiction that led me to avoid hugging my family members because I didn’t want them to smell it on me. I spent the last of my income on a deck over groceries and made other poor choices, all for a piece of paper with tobacco in it…that is most definitely killing me.
But it goes to show how quickly you become your habits. When I took up running, I quit smoking. I stopped binge eating for comfort and found myself making the wiser choice every time. And funnily enough, this bled into my other goals and ambitions. I was losing weight, saving money, and working more efficiently. I felt confident, stable, and secure in my life because I started off pretending to be someone who made those decisions like it was second nature—until I became that person.
It was only once I started my new job that I found myself having no time to meal prep, exercise, or look after myself outside of my 8–5 job and the commute that came with it. So, that led me to buy more convenient foods, prioritise sleep over exercise, and return to something that had brought me comfort—nicotine.
So once again, I became my habits, which led me back here and to this series. A smoker. Unmotivated. A binge-eater. A comfort spender. All within three months, after being another person entirely for a year.
I want to become that person again. So to do that, I need to pretend I am still her, until I become her again. This started this week with the launch of The Accountability Project. The ‘project’ in question is my life getting back on my feet and realigning myself with my true goals and passions.
I know this journey will not be perfect or graceful in the slightest. It’s only been a day, and I have already wanted to give up, but I will not accept that. So, I’ve decided to plan content and how I will work on my brand.
I am overwhelmed, to be quite honest with you all. But I know if I stay consistent, it’ll all be worth it in the end.
Next week, I will write about how my first whole week of the ‘new me’ went, and what changes I have begun to implement.
Till then, think about your habits—what does the person you would like to become do?
